I'm taking my most powerful, strange communion in a long while. Maybe ever.
The people around the table are old friends. New friends. Friends brought together by a church who has just collectively decided to close the doors. In as much as we ever had our own doors to close.
It in in this moment, breaking the bread in two and passing it around, the separation hits me. Arrow to heart. I look around and realize the weight of leaving this community.
Think of a 'Spin Art' toy. The kind that makes those crazy tie-die patterns. When you start the spinning, the paint is all collected in the centre. Static. Together. Then the spinning starts. Momentum pulls the colours outward and away. Further and faster and farther. The spread is chaos. And it is beautiful.
I feel that beautiful chaos this morning.
I read the confession of communion. I ask God to forgive us and the words are stand ins for 'we got this wrong. Some parts right, but some parts wrong. Forgive us for that. Know, Lord Jesus, that we've done the best we know to do. And it is woefully short of perfict. Forgive us for that.'
During these works my voice breaks. My first tears fall for this community. Finally.
This is the perfect moment for tears. I let them well and drip. I offer them to those around the table, mingled with the bread and the wine. Our body is breaking. Returning to the Body. But this bread and wine will sustain us, each, forwards. I feel this act is a promise of that future.
And it is all good. And it is all hard. And it is what it is.
Now it is Monday morning. Nearly 24 hours later. What comes to mind to console me but art? A pop song.
These lines.
And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
Was the hardest part
And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start
I could feel it go down
Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining the cloud
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out
And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
You really broke my heart
And I tried to sing
But I couldn't think of anything
And that was the hardest part
I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
You're silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
Oh and I
I wonder what it's all about
I wonder what it's all about
Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do, it's just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
Oh and it's the part
That's the hardest part
Yeah that's the hardest part
That's the hardest part
Read more: Coldplay - Hardest Part Lyrics | MetroLyrics
I really hope that was the hardest part.